Bastard

These creatures had supporting roles in ROMEO IS A DEAD MAN. They were specialized Rotters grown in the garden aboard the LAST NIGHT. DeadMan was able to carry up to four Bastards at a time and call on them for assistance during investigations. On some occasions, Marianne Stargazer used Bastards as ingredients in her curry.

Known Bastards

• Adam
• Alex
• Allison
• Alonzo
• Alyssa
• Amanda
• Amy
• Anastasia
• Andrew
• Angela
• Angelica
• Anna
• Ariana
• Ashley
• Austin
• Barbara
• Betty
• Bianca
• Bonnie
• Bradley
• Brandon
• Brenda
• Brent
• Brian
• Camila
• Carl
• Carol
• Carolyn
• Catherine
• Celia
• Charles
• Chelsea
• Christina
• Christopher
• Clara
• Cliff
• Courtney
• Cynthia
• Daisy
• Daniel
• Danielle
• Darren
• David
• Debra
• Derek
• Desmond
• Donald
• Donna
• Dorothy
• Edgar
• Edward
• Eliza
• Elizabeth
• Emily
• Emma
• Eric
• Erica
• Ethan
• Fenella
• Fiona
• Frances
• Frank
• Frederick
• Freesia
• Garth
• Gary
• George
• Glenn
• Gloria
• Gordon
• Grace
• Gregory
• Hannah
• Harold
• Harper
• Harrison
• Heath
• Helen
• Helena
• Hugo
• Ingrid
• Isabella
• Jack
• Jacob
• Janet
• Jasmine
• Jason
• Jeffrey
• Jennifer
• Jerry
• Jessica
• Joanna
• Joel
• John
• Jonathan
• Joseph
• Joshua
• Jude
• Jules
• Julia
• Julian
• Justin
• Kaia
• Kaitlyn
• Karen
• Kevin
• Kirk
• Kurt
• Kyle
• Lana
• Larry
• Laura
• Leah
• Leonard
• Linda
• Lisa
• Logan
• Margaret
• Maria
• Marina
• Mark
• Martin
• Mary
• Matthew
• Maxen
• Melissa
• Michael
• Miles
• Minerva
• Monica
• Nadia
• Nancy
• Naomi
• Natalie
• Nathan
• Nelson
• Nicholas
• Nicole
• Nina
• Nolan
• Orlando
• Orson
• Oscar
• Owen
• Pamela
• Patricia
• Paul
• Percival
• Phillip
• Quincy
• Rachel
• Raymond
• Rebecca
• Reggie
• Reina
• Richard
• Robert
• Ronald
• Rosa
• Rose
• Ryan
• Samantha
• Samuel
• Sandra
• Sarah
• Scott
• Selena
• Sharon
• Shirley
• Spencer
• Stanley
• Stephen
• Susan
• Terrence
• Thalassa
• Theo
• Tiana
• Timothy
• Tracy
• Vanessa
• Vera
• Victor
• Warren
• Wayne
• Wesley
• Whitney
• Yosef
• Zara
• Zinnia

Traits

• A bit of a liar
• A bit too innocent
• Aiming for the presidency
• Almost died in the desert
• Always careless
• Always depends on medicine
• Always quotes proverbs
• Amiable
• Appeared on a quiz show
• Ate too much yesterday
• Bad driver
• Bad with computers
• Best kite-flier in the U.S.
• Bites their nails
• Blinks a lot
• Born on the 4th of July
• Bought an elephant with company money
• Brags about their parents a lot
• Broke a bone by coughing
• Can barely be bothered to breathe
• Can read lips
• Can sleep anywhere
• Can speak to crows
• Can throw 150 yards
• Can’t sleep alone
• Can’t throw out boxes
• Careful about everything
• Closes eyes when getting shots
• Cold-blooded
• Cold-demeanored
• Collects guns
• Conservative about everything
• Cracks their knuckles a lot
• Crass about everything
• Cries more than normal
• Cut their hair too short
• Dead-eyed
• Distrusts Rotters
• Doesn’t get jokes
• Doesn’t look their age
• Doesn’t wear underwear
• Dreams a lot
• Dreams of becoming an actor
• Dyes their hair
• Easily angered
• Easily loses temper
• Eats lots of bugs
• Expressionless
• Extremely picky
• Fastest eater in the U.S.
• Feeling shitty today
• Feels strong secondhand embarrassment
• Flawlessly beautiful
• Follows close behind
• Former horse racing jockey
• Friends with small birds
• Fulfilled in personal life
• Gets sulky over assumptions
• Goes overseas 3 times a year
• Good at cutting up fish
• Good at following people
• Good at magic tricks
• Good at mental arithmetic
• Good at puzzles
• Good at wasting money
• Good-natured
• Greedy for sweets
• Has 5 romantic partners
• Has $700,000 in savings
• Has a big rig license
• Has a pet monkey
• Has a slightly long right arm
• Has a twin sister
• Has an earthy aroma
• Has an extremely weak tongue
• Has awfully beautiful eyes
• Has beautifully aligned teeth
• Has been struck by lightning 4 times
• Has famous ancestors
• Has large palms
• Has long eyelashes
• Has lots of acquaintances
• Has savings for retirement
• Has shiny gold teeth
• Has some bad friends
• Hates green peppers
• Hates horror movies
• Hates smartphones
• Health equipment maniac
• Heels hurt recently
• Impeccable
• In unusually good shape
• Indiscriminately lustful
• Innately rootless
• Intolerant
• Just a smooth talker
• Just learned Chinese
• Kind of vegetable-like
• Knowledgeable about castles of the world
• Knowledgeable about serialized dramas
• Knows kung fu
• Lazy and unmotivated
• Likes hunting deer
• Likes to gossip
• Looks good in hats
• Looks good on camera
• Looks sagely
• Looks skinny in clothes
• Lost a tooth yesterday
• Lost their glasses
• Loved by animals
• Loves cherries
• Loves spicy foods
• Loves studying
• Loves their family
• Loves their hometown
• Made money legally
• Makes everyone turn back and look
• Mistakes right and left often
• Morning person
• Never goes back home to visit
• Not very punctual
• Often bitten by rats
• Only talks about themselves
• Only wears short sleeves
• Particular about tools
• Passionate and sociable
• Petty
• Picky about acoustics
• Picky with food
• Plays guitar and sings
• Pretty brutal
• Pretty cowardly
• Pretty popular
• Pretty thoughtful
• Procrastinator
• Quick to tut-tut people
• Really ticklish
• Recludes deep in the mountains
• Released a CD long ago
• Responds to questions with a question
• Rides a motorcycle
• Rides horses as a hobby
• Ridiculously honest
• Self-proclaimed “Prince of Darkness”
• Sensitive to smells
• Smells burnt
• Smells everything
• Sneezes loudly
• Somewhat hasty
• Sounds spoiled
• Speaks 6 languages
• Speaks politely
• Spends a long time in the bathroom
• Stamp collector
• Stingy
• Sweats year-round
• Talks a lot on the phone
• Talks too much
• Takes notes about everything
• Tends to cats
• Thinks highly of themselves
• Throws a 100 mph fastball
• Throws right but bats left
• Tired of the opposite sex
• Too nosy
• Too silent
• Took a ritual bath in India
• Tough-looking but kind
• Truly perverse
• Ugly crier
• Uncle was an ace of aces
• Uncomfortable to talk to
• Unfathomably kind
• Unparalleled animal lover
• Uses a wired mouse
• Very calculating
• Very charitable
• Very introverted
• Very jealous
• Very sensitive to cold
• Very vain
• Wants to become human
• Was asleep till now
• Watches 5 movies per month
• Wears long-hemmed shirts
• Wears nonmatching socks
• Worries about their bangs
• Writes a daily journal
• Yearns for the big city

Appearances

• ROMEO IS A DEAD MAN

Nomenclature

• Bastard (ROMEO IS A DEAD MAN)
• BASTARDS (ROMEO IS A DEAD MAN)
• Rotters (ROMEO IS A DEAD MAN)